I am a creature of simple habits, of small routine, and yet convention and tradition bore me and cause me to despise as small-minded those who cling to them for their own sakes. I am socially liberal and yet fiercely committed to the idea of leaving my fellow humans alone as I wish them to leave me be. I do not wish to impose my sense of right-with-the-world on anyone else, because I know it to be ... unusual. I struggle with it, myself, at times.
I find all the political diatribe and vitriol of the current times to be tiresome, hateful, and ultimately impotent. I catch myself feeling guilty for deliberately removing myself from the loop of intimate knowledge of this party or that candidate or the latest popular movement, and then as I skim the surface of the latest on these things I remember my deep levels of dismay, disgust, and pure stubborn reasons for removing myself in the first place. I am surrounded by many people who choose to partake in the mind-numbing drama and discourse, and who would happily scream at me for daring to voice a disagreement, a distaste for their politics.
At a very basic, simple level, I wonder in childlike unhappiness why on earth people feel the pressing need to meddle with other people? Why must we all be in lockstep with one another? Where is the celebration of diversity, the curiosity for ways not our own? Why are we blanketed in fear and hatred for the other?
I live with an odd dichotomy of feelings: I often feel a hopeless hatred for humanity, but also do I find myself giving benefit of the doubt, opening my heart and mind, and trying to love and understand people as people. Perhaps it is why I find and keep so few friends: I suppose it would be awkward to be on the receiving side of such emotional wet-blanketism.
As a side note - I am constantly baffled by one of the primary relationships in my life. There are times I truly think one or both of us must be mad, completely bonkers. Some of the above relates.
